Stop The Shaming!

I'm not sure where this post will go. I'll be 100% honest about that but lately I have been thinking about how often we are "shaming". And I feel like maybe we have justified that its okay to say whatever it is we think about that person or even ourselves... which ends in the "shaming".

This is something I have struggled with it all goes back to 5 years ago. I was 19 years old I fell in love with the best man in the world. (ya da ya da ya da) a few months after dating we were engaged and married a week before both of our birthdays I was turning 20 and he was turning 26. Now maybe I have justified myself to think this way but I feel so often in my life that I am not viewed as an adult. Yes, in my community/culture its totally normal for people to be married young but its odd to me how many people have made me feel like I was not an adult.

Weather it be the salesman that once came to my door and asked if my parents were home when I am in fact a parent standing at my own front door at my very own house with my kid sitting in a high chair asking me for more dip for her chicken nuggets. Granted in that situation I laugh and say well I am the parent here.

But it goes deeper than that salesman who knocked on my door.

In my own personal life I have felt that I wasn't viewed as an adult because I was shamed into believing that I am "too young" or have a "young family" and yes I am young and I do have a young family but that doesn't disqualify me from being an adult in fact it means to me that I am an adult because I am raising a future generation. There is nothing more powerful than that.

But the one thing we need is to start empowering and stop belittling everyone! Because we 'think' we know more or can do things better because for some reason we think we have more qualifications, years or a better resumè. We need to sit back let others try. We need to give them opportunities to be themselves and stop thinking we know what is best for them.

I was having this conversation with a close friend and was sharing how I don't feel like I am viewed as an adult. They looked at me with a shocking face and said "You do know you are though right?"... I was at a low point I didn't believe that I was in fact an "adult". They proceeded to remind me that I am. I felt empowered by that because I never realized that anyone actually 100% viewed me as an adult and the conversation moved on and eventually passed.

A few hours later I was thinking about the conversation I realized how I need to OWN it. I realized that unless I was going to believe that I was an adult then nothing was ever going to change so with that I decided that I need to speak up in the moments where I am feeling like I am not being viewed as an "adult". That was going to be the only way I would stop feeling bad about my "age" or the so called "qualifications" I thought I was missing. I needed to start owning that I too have feelings and need to be treated in the way that I demand because I deserved that and so does any other person in any struggle.

And to go along with that I wanted it for my friends. Yes my friends are all adults and I definitely view them as adults. They can make their own choices and do what they feel is best for them. I can't control that but what I can control is that I stinking SUPPORT them. Weather I agree or not. I show up and support them. I don't SHAME them. I try my best to make them feel like they are always going to have someone there cheering for them regardless what I "think" of their decisions. (That is one thing my parents instilled in me as a kid is that I need to support those around me no matter what its probably the best thing I learned from them).

I have to admit that I have a fear that this "shaming" doesn't happen with just me. It may not be the same "shame" I have felt such as not feeling adequate to be considered an "adult". Because really there are thousands and thousands versions of "shaming" but I have a feeling that people feel shamed when they scroll their Instagram, Pinterest or any social media and see that someone has the prettiest outfit, hair or even that perfect well kept house and they feel like they don't have that so called "perfect Instagram worthy life" when they look up from the screen. In my personal life I have felt that at times with social media. We fail to forget that those people probably have had many bad days (just like us). We have to remember that.. we need to stop being so hard on ourselves & start loving ourselves.

But how do we fix this? I'm not sure every case & person is different but we need to start believing in each other and stop walking on top of each other after all we are ADULTS not RUGS! We are mature adults and if anyone seems to make you think otherwise too that I say walk away. We need to cheer each other on and more importantly we need to SUPPORT, SHOW UP and STOP SHAMING everyone & ourselves!

Peace Out!